Temporary Daughters

There are no words to describe the loss of you in my life. I see you growing up on Facebook. I can’t touch you, talk to you or be a part of your life. You’re cheering at my old high school. Do you remember how excited you were when I attended your first competition? It’s your senior year and you placed 4^th for homecoming queen. Remember the fun you and I had on the DC trip? I wonder if you’re angry that I had to end things and have prayed that I could provide an explanation.

Did I leave anything significant on your heart? Did I teach you anything of value that you can take forward in life? I miss you…what we were…but mostly what we could be in the future. I miss learning from you. I miss the parts of your life you’ve yet to experience. However briefly you were in my life, you were a gift and etched a place in my heart no one else on earth would ever be granted. Please know that I constantly send you love, wish you joy and hope someday our lives are more connected than they are today. Namaste

chose to suffer

i watch and ache when you choose to suffer. my love deepens when i remember your touch on the back of my neck, your eyes dancing in sunlight, your bent head upon my shoulder uttering your sacred truths. allowing yourself only moments to feel so much good, you run back to your walls of confusion and resistance. what are you waiting for? this is it...the point where you make the fucking choice to stop it, to put it behind you and grow up. self destruction is not noble...the party is over. keep pushing me and i will one day leave. however, you need people whether you want to admit it or not. and some day there will be someone worth letting in, worth walking away from the pain and chosen suffering and you will chose to live...out loud.

i continue to love you and i ache when you chose to suffer.

"All the wrong places..."

"...looking for love in too many faces" Remember that song? That movie? Lately I have been sucked into "love stories" on cable. Not just "TNT." Oh no...HBO, Cinemax, Showtime and 253 other channels I never knew existed.

I've seen "Urban Cowboy" too many times to count. Even though I have the vhs tape, I was sucked into it on cable tonight. I know better...I had Spanish to study. But for some reason the movie took me back to a time when I believed in "romance." I can't say that I don't believe in romance, I just don't think I believe anymore that it happens the way it does in the movies. It kind of pisses me off. If we can't believe in "happily ever after," "love at first sight" and "love conquers all" then what do we believe in? It's like all of those phrases are instilled into us from film, books and even stories handed down from previous generations.

Then we have relationships that don't live up to the fantasies we have come to believe as truth in matters of the heart. TBC....

My first test.

I am writing this for 2 reasons. 1. I am trying to find an efficient, easy to use blogging device for work. 2. I have always wanted to set up my own blog page. I must admit, I am intimidated at times by other bloggers. Heather, this really cool woman who lives in Fredricksburg, Va. is one of the best writers I have encountered. She can bring me to tears laughing about the simpliest life events so easily it makes me wonder if I have what it takes. She is also very dedicated to her craft and anyone who knows me...knows I "procrastinate" terribly. In my defense of course, Heather is a Virgo which explains alot and I'm a Gemini, which explains even more. If you don't know astrology that well, I'll attempt to clear that up in a later blog.

For now, this is my test....

Peace out, Kim